Kevin Costner to become a daddy for the seventh time.
Looks like Kevin Costner is a happy “man at home.” Word is that the star of movies like Dances With Wolves, JFK, and Field of Dreams is expecting his seventh child.
Costner and his wife Christine Baumgartner Costner already have two children and their third child is due to arrive June, according to People magazine. The 55-year-old star has more children, ranging from ages 13 to 25, from previous relationships.
Building a positive relationship with those that count.
By Gary Gzik
Do you struggle at building a more positive relationship with those that you care for? It’s no secret that our society has most of us running off our feet and failing to put the proper effort into building relationships with those that matter most to us. But, it’s vitally important to spend time nurturing the bonds we have with those around us.
Most relationships require some amount of work. Some will take less effort than others and seem to take form almost instantly. But, because this rarely happens, we do need to spend time nurturing our relationships when we can. Remember, it doesn’t matter how easily your relationships take form, even the seemingly perfect relationships can have their ups and downs.
That being said, let’s explore what exactly makes for a positive relationship.
For starters, and I know this will be one of the hardest, but quality time does the trick. Whether you want a positive relationship with your significant other, your parents, your child or even a friend, you are going to have to schedule in some one on one time with them. This sounds easy at first, but if you sit back for a moment and think of all the people you’d like to do this with and then your schedule for the next couple of weeks, how easy is it really going to be? Obviously, trying to arrange time to spend together can be challenging, especially after you factor in their busy schedule as well. No matter what though, you must still try. It may be a weekly or daily arrangement, either way you need to treat it like you would an appointment. Try not to renege, especially if it’s with a child.
To ensure you enjoy the time you are spending with others, you should try and do something that’s fun. Seeing a movie together, going out for dinner, or taking a stroll in the park are things that can accomplish this. You don’t want your relationship to be boring. If you want to create a stronger bond, you need to choose something that you will both enjoy doing – not only will you have fun, it will have you looking forward to the next time you’re supposed to meet up.
Building a positive relationship with your significant other isn’t always easy. Of course you want to spend time with them, but with everyone else on your list, you know they’ll understand if you leave them till the end. When time has you struggling to get together with them, remember that your relationship goes a little deeper – and you don’t have to be together to reward from each other’s input in the relationship.
When you do have moments at home together, remember that helping out around the house is an attempt that doesn’t go unnoticed. Don’t expect to be waited on hand and foot and leave all the work for your partner. Doing chores isn’t always fun, but if you both work at them, they will be done much sooner and you will have more time to spend together later.
For those of you with busy families, sometimes it’s hard to get away and have Mom and Dad time. No matter what, you should always take a few minutes at the end of the day to sit and talk about how each other’s days went. Simply explain to your children that it is your time and you will be finished in a few minutes. Most children will cherish the idea that their parents enjoy spending time together. When you are done, ask your children to come in and join you – spend a little family time. Just remember, those few minutes with each other means putting away the cell phones and any other distractions that don’t allow you to focus on each other.
No matter who you’re building the relationship with, you need to make sure you can really talk to them. Listening to each other and showing concern will definitely help you build a stronger positive relationship with each other. Really being able to sit back, listen and understand is just as important as sharing your side of the story. Sometimes we allow distractions in or our mind starts wandering into the unknown, if this is the case, you may not be involving yourself in the conversation as much as you could be.
No matter who you’re building a positive relationship with, it will take patience and perseverance. No one said it would be easy, however the benefits you receive will be well worth the effort.
Gary Gzik is a Corporate Trainer and CEO of the business consulting company BizXcel, Inc. which owns and operates Getting to Someday, a place where people go to achieve their goals and dreams. Gary also wrote “A Journey Towards Your Dreams”, a book that inspires people to achieve their dreams through a positive attitude and positive relationships – claim your free copy today at http://www.gettingtosomeday.com/discover-positive-attitude-secret
Also, stop by today to read Gary’s other articles at http://www.gettingtosomeday.com/article. And, don’t forget to sign up for his Free Bi-Weekly Newsletter full of inspiring stories!
Reducing Marital Conflict.
In any marriage, even the most supportive and agreeable, there are disagreements, and the way the couple resolves conflict affects the welfare, vibrancy and longevity of the marriage. Some couples mistakenly believe their marriage has no chance of success if they experience conflict, which may be due to the old-school belief that conflict should be avoided to ensure family unity. The result of conflict avoidance is often barely controlled anger and deep-seated resentment about unresolved issues.
Ironically, discussing disagreements can actually foster growth and intimacy in a relationship if the conflict is resolved constructively. Conflict is normal and inevitable, and in blended families, issues of transitioning kids, ex-spouses, financial problems and parenting differences can increase the range of disagreements with negative results.
Among the many experts in the field of relationships and conflict resolution, Dr Scott Haltzman offers unique insight and practical advice in his best-selling book, The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wifes Heart Forever. Dr Haltzman has distilled current research from countless married men into a useful guide that highlights eight effective strategies that help marriages work.
Strategy # 4, “Expect Conflict and Deal with It,” helps couples better comprehend conflict by illustrating how men and women are biologically hardwired to cope with it, the moods and motives that drive disagreements, the patterns of conflicts and how to diffuse them. Everyone wants to feel listened to, cared for and validated, and being aware of this goes a long way to helping couples resolve conflict and smooth things over before they spiral out of control.
Heres what Dr Haltzman wants us to know about conflict:
1. Happy and unhappy couples argue about the same amount of time and about the same basic issues: money, sex and housework being the three most common.
2. 69 % of clashes in a marriage are never resolved, and thats an acceptable level.
3. Both men and women can learn constructive ways to debate issues, and to agree to disagree.
4. Conflict many times surfaces due to the inherent differences in how the sexes view conflict and how they cope with it.
Dr Haltzman describes the 4 common ways that arguments accelerate. See if you recognize yourself or your partner in any of these descriptions:
Feeding the Fire: We all know the scenario where a criticism or complaint is voiced, the response being more hostility, and so it goes, until its a free-for-all that includes ancient history from arguments past. An escalating, major altercation cannot just be shut down like an out-of-control video game, but keeps accelerating. Strategies for putting the brakes on out-of-control “fires” include softening your tone, looking for areas of agreement, staying positive and “holding that emotion,” which essentially means refraining from escalating into a higher gear with hateful comments.
Withdrawal and Avoidance: Men are more likely to withdraw from and not deal with a grievance than women are, and this sends a dismissive message to women that makes them very aggravated. Women dislike avoidance because the act of engagement makes them feel better, even though the issue may not be resolved. Men avoid and withdraw for sound biological reasons but this will fuel the fire of conflict with the women in their lives.
Negative Interpretation: Assigning unintended negative meaning to things a spouse does or doesnt say can incite major conflict that can escalate quickly, since each partner is responding to something that was neither stated nor intended. Clarifying one’s meaning and active listening can help cut this out.
Finger Pointing: This is the classic criticizing that requires a response, which turns into defensiveness and more blame. The effective technique is to use I statements that point the finger at yourself rather than your spouse. The most important element of a conflict is how its resolved or “patched up” when a quarrel is concluded. Both men and women must decide whether being right is more important than preserving a healthy marriage. Among recently wed couples that could not patch things up after a contention, the divorce rate was 90 %, versus an 84% successful marriage rate of those who could come to an understanding.
Couples can have fun trying out many different strategies to restore harmony after a fight; this puts the fight behind them so they can move past that and focus on the aim of enjoying a successful marriage.
About the Author
Sheena Berg enjoys writing articles for the StepHeroes step parenting tipsnewsletter. To learn more about happily married men, there’s no substitute for reading “The Secrets of Happily Married Men” by Dr. Scott Haltzman, M.D.
